Out in the cold.

Always, I was out in the cold in my family. I don't like this kind of feelings. Everyone hope to being cared by his or her family. I am like a neglected child. I can get everything I want by myseld, I don't need to ask them from my parents but what I can't purchase is the love. Maybe I always sound like I don't care but I care indeed.

Sometimes, it is good to be alone but this does not apply in a family. Sometimes, I feel that my parents are off-centering. I feel that they will only care about my sisters. For them, I am more independent. Due to this reason, I always try hard to depend on myself. I make my own decisions. I seldom tell them about my study, my problems and my life.

If you ask me to arrange family, study, church, society and my friends orderly, the first will be friends. I will arrange like this - friends, society, study and (family and church is at the same level.) I know this arrangement is totally wrong. It is supposed to be like this - Jesus, family, study, friends and society, is it?! Again, this doesn't apply on me.

Someone told me that the second child in the family will be the most independent one, I believe so and I experienced. Maybe I am not really independent from yours opinion, but I always try hard to rely on my own.

Sometimes, it is tiring.

Always, I feel sad.

However, I seldom express it.

So that, nobody knows.