Racism.

Don't really feel like talking about this topic but I just need a place for me to shout out. Without any racism.

Watched a video on facebook and it links me to many others videos on youtube. I feel really sad everytime I watched these kind of videos. I used to be a patriotism. Used to be. Many incidents keep showing me the reality of this world. I am a Malaysian and sure, I am a Chinese too. Last time, I was so proud to be a chinese Malaysian because I know that our country, though is not country like the United State, is not a country like the United Kingdom, my country is built up by races and we can still live together peacefully on a land without much natural disaster. These were gifted by God but at last, we wasted them. Keep arguing among races, keep fighting for our own profits and even keep blaming each other for some small problems. Why will all these happened?

Please stop these. We, as a human, do not have much time on this earth, why don't we put more effort on those needies instead of fighting here?!

Anyway, just to shout out.

Half way. But which way?

Half way to the end of my exam.
Half way to the starting of my whole new life.

The end of something will always bring you a whole new thing if you try to find them out. It's always true.

Still thinking what job that I want to get after my exam but the most important to think about is what I want to study after my exam. It's hard.

Psychology? Medicine? Actuarial science?

These are what I am considering now but I think there will be some more later.

Psychology?
I hope to study this so that I can learn more about human's mind. Maybe, to get know about myself?!

Medicine?
If I really be a doctor, then I won't just stick at where I am now. I hope to go around especially to Africa. Maybe it's quite insane talk but that's what I am thinking about.

Actuarial science?
This is just because I love Mathematics. But is it really something to do with maths? I have to check it out.

Some more...

My aunt hopes I can help her in her career as an insurance agent. She has built up her own business and she hopes to train me to be her successor. She even told her husband that I am her choice and asked him whether I am suitable.

I hope someone can take over her business but am I the one?

Anyway, what I really have to do now is do my best in my exam. That's what I can do now.

Always, when there are too many choices for me, I will hope that I have no choice.

Not here

Is it weird that I can online and update my blog today? This is because our trip to Karak cancelled due to H1N1 disease. Everything comes to the end all in a sudden. The trip is called off just 2 days before the event. I have no more to say and no more feeling. For this kind of stuffs, I have cry for at least 3 days. Really tiring. Anyway, no one should be blamed for this.

By the way, I just keep saying sorry to our members. Sorry that I break all your wishes. You really did well but I am the one who is not able to complete my job. Sorry.

Sorry. I know it is unacceptable. Sorry.

Sorry.

I missed.

There are many things that I missed recently. They are all about God. Sorry for my long absent to all sisters and brothers in SGC though I know that you all are not the right person for me to say sorry to. Sorry, Jesus.

Just now, about 2 hours ago, I just quit my post as the camp leader in a youths' camp organised by my church. I am not able to cope with it anymore. Sorry for my irresponsible. Last Saturday, I talked to a teacher from youth fellowship, and I told her many things. I feel quite hard to talk to her maybe because we are two different types of people.We have totally different characteristic and mindset.

Today, I talked to Kaevin, maybe we have similar interest or so called hobby, that is we both like to fully fill our time with many activities, I feel better to talk to him. I thought he would be very angry with me, but I was wrong. He just told me what he think of my situation now and gave me advices. Thanks a lot, Kaevin.

However, so sorry to every committee.

Now, just switching post with another sister, hope this arrangement will works.

Thank you all, and sorry again, Jesus.

Talk about my life recently, I can describe it using five words, Tiring but I enjoy it.

1st.

If I told you all that I am not tired, that means I am telling lie. Life getting busier and busier, but fortunately, I enjoy it. Hopefully that I can cover my study at the same time.

We are going to perform this friday. That is for Teachers' Day. I really hate this performance, it is wasting our time, make us more tired!! However, we must perform. I just treat it as a present for our lecturers.

More and more members want to quit our society. How come they are so ' fragile ' ?! I wonder whether they can withstand a small problem when they face the society in the future. It is so complicated.

Sheng Sheng, I am trying my best to complete my words for you. I just treat it as my diary and try to write something everyday. ^^

Missing her..

She was an artiste.
She is fair, like an angel.
She is cute, she is kind hearted.
She met with an accident in year 2007 and she passed away.
Looking back everything about her.
Surfing all the websites that have her news.
Crying in front of the computer all the days.
Miss her so much.

http://www.weilun.idv.tw/

Running.

What is running? Time is running.

What is being ruined? I am ruining my study.

I spent more than two days for shopping!! Well, this is because I have to accompany my elder aunt who is from Oman. Yet, I still have to go somewhere else tomorrow!! I am running out of time now. I have many tutorial waiting for me to complete and I swear to complete them in this holiday but now, I don't know whether I can complete it or not!!

Being panic.There are only few more months to go.Few more months for me to study for my STPM. Yet, I am still playing around.

Today.

The time now is 1.09pm.About half of today. I just came back from Melawati Gospel Church. We were there to promote our camp in September 2009. For me, I think our presentation was really bad!! Maybe too boring or something else la. That's just my opinion.

Later, I don't know what am I going to do. Today is Sunday and I suppose to be in church but my mum's aunt is here. We need to accompany here as she is here purposely to accompany us. So, again, I didn't go to church today. It's really terrible!!Guiltiness is everywhere in my heart, my soul, but I really don't know what to do.

Again, I have to say sorry to my churchmates and Jesus.I am not going to church again.

Out in the cold.

Always, I was out in the cold in my family. I don't like this kind of feelings. Everyone hope to being cared by his or her family. I am like a neglected child. I can get everything I want by myseld, I don't need to ask them from my parents but what I can't purchase is the love. Maybe I always sound like I don't care but I care indeed.

Sometimes, it is good to be alone but this does not apply in a family. Sometimes, I feel that my parents are off-centering. I feel that they will only care about my sisters. For them, I am more independent. Due to this reason, I always try hard to depend on myself. I make my own decisions. I seldom tell them about my study, my problems and my life.

If you ask me to arrange family, study, church, society and my friends orderly, the first will be friends. I will arrange like this - friends, society, study and (family and church is at the same level.) I know this arrangement is totally wrong. It is supposed to be like this - Jesus, family, study, friends and society, is it?! Again, this doesn't apply on me.

Someone told me that the second child in the family will be the most independent one, I believe so and I experienced. Maybe I am not really independent from yours opinion, but I always try hard to rely on my own.

Sometimes, it is tiring.

Always, I feel sad.

However, I seldom express it.

So that, nobody knows.

Yesterday.

Yesterday, I enjoyed my day. I went to the Metropolitan Garden in Kepong with my churchmates, had my lunch with the same batch of people at Genting Klang, played game before I went for the dinner at my mother's aunt's house.

I really had fun with all brothers and sisters. We played frisbee together. This was the first time I played this game. It is not easy but not difficult too. What we need are just collecting skill and throwing skill. We need to aim correctly no matter we are trying to catch the plate or when we want to pass it to another person.

And again... my head got hit by the plate!! That's the fate between me and all sports!!

Afternoon, I was trying hard to level-up my character in game!! I am really not talented in playing games!!Although it is just about fighting against the monster, it is a tough job for me.

About my dinner, just as usual. We had our dinner together, chit chat with one another and so on.

I found that my cousin who is same age with me, he seems like never grown up ( I mean physically.) Why will it be like this a?! He is stil short, and looks like a little boy though he is now 18++ or 19. Well, this can be a good news or a bad news too^^.

Anyway, I enjoyed my yesterday. It sounds like a usual day but that is what I want. A simple life^^.

Grooming the future leaders.

Members of 16th TARC SPUS Community Service have their first activity yesterday, which is 23rd May. Some of them enjoyed but some of them want to quit due to some problems ( more about hairs.) No matter what they think about the society now, we will keep going on. Though attendants are just few, I was happy yesterday.

After the general meeting, we went to 小东方 to have our so called dinner together. I want to promote it!! The food there is quite nice, and the environment too!!

I keep thinking about something. What is it?! How come it will return again?! This time, it is returned with joyful, a different feeling.

Well, I have to urge myself to study now!! I haven't start my study though the real exam is so near!! Only about 5 months left!! I have to pick up already!! No more playing around!!

I have to study!!!

Second Day.

Today(14/5) is already the second day of recruitment but we just hit one fifth of our target, which is 100 members. I become more and more impudence. Just trying to grab anyone who passes by our booths. But!!! I have to take care of my image at the same time.

Well, someone said I really need to take a rest although my look is still very energetic, my spirit is tired indeed. Now, I just keep thinking of some new methods to publicize our society, restless.

Anyone who come out with any idea can tell us!! Your ideas are very welcomed!!^^

Anyway, I will pray for it.

Tmr.

Tomorrow is the first day of recruitment. Today, we have our promotion in DK D and ... We were promoting our society to those newbies in TARC. Fortunately, we have a very good spokesperson, Chun Yip. This helps alot in promoting our society.

This time, we need to take in at least 100 freshmen so that they and we won't need to be so busy with our piled up works. We need to go through a hard time this year. I believe it will be hardest time in my pre university study life. Anyway, if we have the team spirit, sure we can go through all the hardship together.

Updated

Hey, one more post to update the news. Just now I called mum, she may be can come back home in these few days already. However, she need to take a lot of drugs, many kind of drugs.

Grandma, take good care of yourself ya!Don't need to be too worry about mum as mum also don't want you to worry about her. She will be alright!!

I dare and I want to make a promise now. I will try my best to take good care of mum. I won't let her to be too tired in the future time.

Mum, I wait you at home ya!! See you!!

She's alright.

Xianxian, I am here to update the news for you. She is alright now, nothing wrong, nothing bad, just waiting and pending. We are waiting too. Waiting for her to come back home. So, you don't need to worry and be more into your study!

Keep falling asleep recently. Not other time but during classes. I am not a good student. Sorry, every lecturers and friends.

The news keep spreading, from one to another. When they meet me, they keep asking me about my mum's condition. Thanks for all of you. Please pray for her, that's the only way to help.

My dear friends, thank you all for keep awaking me from sleep during classes though I just ignore and continue my dating with Mr. Zhou. ^^ Sorry ya!!

Now, I need to find out a way to go selayang hospital using public transport!!

Exploitation Value

Somebody may think that it is a good thing if they have the value in use. At least, they are not useless.

However, if you found that your so-called friends beside you that will only chat with you or talk to you when they need your help, you will not like the exploitation value on you. It's really sad.

I feel totally exhausted. It is tiring if you always give out without any feedback. It is just like keep working without taking in any food.

Just now, I received a message which is about borrowing my exercises. I suppose to be happy if someone willing to borrow my exercises but I am not. It's just like they will only contact you when they need your help and they will not bother you whatever happened on you. Just like that.

Well, I am not talking about all those who borrow my exercises. Just some of them.

Today is really a sad day.

I also found that you will lost many priceless treasures if you when you climbed to an upper position. You may lose your friendship, any 'ship'that can be lose. It's really sad.

When I reached home, my cousin tell me that my mom is hospitalised.

That's why. I cried. So sad.

Nobody hope to lost anything precious. No one.

Please pray for my mom. Her situation may be serious or may be not. Anyway, she is now alone in the hospital. Missing her.

Dear mum, be tough ya, we are here waiting for you!!

Incubating A New Habit..

Recently, I think I am trying to incubate a new habit but I don't know whether it is a good habit or not. Maybe not. It used up my time, I will just forget about my homework and just keep sitting in front of my computer.

What's it? Blogging!! A new hobby. I found that it is really great to write out my feelings onto the blogspot. I just want to shout them out!!

Changes

Yeah! Today(Actually is yesterday), we tidied up our room and rearrange all furniture. We kicked out some tables and sure, we brought in some new members. Now, I have more spaces to keep my so called treasure.They are my memories. Sometimes, I may forget many things and many people. I need them to recall back my precious memories.

Tracing back memories is really nice. It might be something sad in previous but now, it is a nice memory. I will usually laugh when I look at my diaries. I found that I used to be a silly, stupid girl. I like my past, they are the important factors that changed me.

I will get mad if I found that I forget something, no matter it's important or not. I will feel sad and try hard to get it back. Memory is really precious. It's really sad to lost our memory. So, it's better that we write it down. I choose to post it onto my blogspot as the internet will keep it for me.

Weirdo~

Exposure.

My blog getting more expose to others. Kinda weird. I don't know what are their feeling after reading my blog. My friends think that I am a optimist. No matter what happened to me, I can face them with smile.

However, in my blog, it's full with pessimism. A big contrast. I asked my friend to be optimistic so that he won't get sick frequently. I din't sick for about few years since form 5. Am I optimistic? Well, I really don't know!

Blindness

Always be busy will lead someone heart into blindness.Someone will may be work aimless, meaningless by not knowing what herself doing.Why she need to work so hard?Is it really in order to survive?! Well, it's not. She always does many things for someone else, not for herself.This really sounds stupid.

She study not because of herself, she lost her ambitious in study. She doesn't know why she keep stressing herself with piles of works. Someone asks, why don't you reject those orders or jobs? She doesn't know how to answer. She doesn't know how to say 'No'.

I always hope to help everyone that need help( maybe this does not sound true, but it is truth). It's really ok if you didn't say thanks to me afterward, but at least you don't hurt me. It's really happy to see the one you helped succeed in their field, but it's sad to hear if the one I helped make fun of me using his success.
I don't mind if you just ignore my help but please don't laugh at me if my result is poorer that yours.

This make me dare not neither to share nor to teach others. I don't like the feel.

So, always show gratitude to those who helped you instead of make fun of her.