Mood-y

I don't like to be like this. It's over for such a long time.
I believe that I actually let it went. He is no longer around. However, someone keep reminding me about him. Everyday, I was like listening to another he. Their voices are so similar. The first day I realised, I thought I misheard.

Few Days Passed

Today, if not mistaken, is the third or forth day after you left us.
I think I am able to accept the truth already but you will still stay in my heart. Just I will keep you in a special place in my heart. Untouchable corner. You will always be the old Bryan that I knew before. Rest in peace, Bryan.

Chiel Yee Hao. A name that carved in my heart wall forever.

有感而发...

有人问过我，一去就是六年，在这之前没把握住的幸福，会不会觉得很对不起？对不起自己？对不起别人？

我只可以说，我也不知道，一切随缘吧！很老套的说法，但却在什么时候都派得上用场。但，真的是随缘就可以得到幸福了吗？我知道，并不是。还要多一份努力，一份的运气，还有许多许多。

爸爸问我，我有没有喜欢谁？当然有啊！他就问我那他有没有喜欢你啊？不知道，应该是没有。我爸爸说，暗恋很累，要是喜欢就说出来吧！你不说，也没人知道。这是当然的，但并不容易说出口。如果我是男生，或许我会有这份勇气，但偏偏我不是。

或许是因为要离开了吧？！最近整天想东想西的，很难受，很辛苦。

苛霓，我想我还是不说了（之前我说再走之前要说的），因为真的不敢，而且说了也没用。哈哈。

对不起，就是少了那根不正常的经，如果我有，就不会这样了。哈哈~

久违的华文。哈咯！

I hate packing!!

I hate the feeling of packing. These few days, I packed up many things and put them into the store room. Feel so sad. It keeps reminding me that I am leaving soon in less than one month time. I will miss my family here. I will miss my friends here and I will also miss the laksa in Penang!! Really hope that I can eat that before I leave. Anyway, this time I hope that I can leave without tear. I have to be strong.

Love.

Many people have been killed by this word and many people suffered because of this. Well, including me and my friends. Last week, my friends told me many things about their loves. They stucked in it. For me, there is always a clear line and I will just cut it off directly if there is something wrong. Sure, there will always be exceptional cases!! I wonder why. I am that kind of girl who will like someone after a certain period of time I spent with the guy. This makes me hard to distinguish like and admire. I remember that I told my friend that I even dare not to use the word love in describing my feeling to someone. It is something serious with responsible on it. If we love someone, then there is a responsible for us on the one we love. I always want a lifelong relationship, not only a short period that we owned together, it is always not enough.

I did it.

Man always trying hard to forget something that we unwilling to think about or remember about and may be everyone also realize that the harder you tried, the harder for you to forget. I found that I did it. I put it down.

Thank you for your great accompany in last two years. I appreaciate them a lot. I changed everytime I appreciate someone. I dare not to use the word 'love'. I will change myself to become the girl he likes. I know this is stupid but sometimes, we just out of control.

I hate typing using laptop. It is so annoying to keep touching the 'mouse' pad while I am typing.

Yea.. It's gonna end soon!!

I will have my test for russian language tomorrow and I don't need to attend Russian Language Class any more!! It is such a hard thing for me to do because I always don't like to force myself to learn a language in this kind a rush. Anyway, I have no mood to blog now. Wonder why I am here with my hands holding the Russian Language copybook. спокойной ночи ^^

Reading Friends' Blogs..

I found that it is quite funny to read blogs. I read about their past, their present, and sometimes, their future. I am not wandering anymore and will be enrolled in Medicine course in Russian State Medical University soon. How soon? Not really soon, September.

I am very sure that I will cry on those days before I leave Malaysia. 100%. So, really do not feel like seeing any of my friends before I leave but I will regret if I really do it that way.

Title-less

I am shocked when I saw the date of my last post. It's almost 10 months ago. Everyone is working hard on what they believe now, but how about me? I am now sitting at home daily, surfing the internet aimless. I wonder what can I do instead of doing house chores and streaming on pps?

Before I quit my last job, I always think that I must take my rest before school opening, but I think it's a bit too long (about 2 months.). During my free time, I wonder about many things. Too much free time will always make us think too much. This is my conclusion after these few weeks of holidays. Aimless, and just like my title, title-less.

Half way. But which way?

Half way to the end of my exam.
Half way to the starting of my whole new life.

The end of something will always bring you a whole new thing if you try to find them out. It's always true.

Still thinking what job that I want to get after my exam but the most important to think about is what I want to study after my exam. It's hard.

Psychology? Medicine? Actuarial science?

These are what I am considering now but I think there will be some more later.

Psychology?
I hope to study this so that I can learn more about human's mind. Maybe, to get know about myself?!

Medicine?
If I really be a doctor, then I won't just stick at where I am now. I hope to go around especially to Africa. Maybe it's quite insane talk but that's what I am thinking about.

Actuarial science?
This is just because I love Mathematics. But is it really something to do with maths? I have to check it out.

Some more...

My aunt hopes I can help her in her career as an insurance agent. She has built up her own business and she hopes to train me to be her successor. She even told her husband that I am her choice and asked him whether I am suitable.

I hope someone can take over her business but am I the one?

Anyway, what I really have to do now is do my best in my exam. That's what I can do now.

Always, when there are too many choices for me, I will hope that I have no choice.

Not here

Is it weird that I can online and update my blog today? This is because our trip to Karak cancelled due to H1N1 disease. Everything comes to the end all in a sudden. The trip is called off just 2 days before the event. I have no more to say and no more feeling. For this kind of stuffs, I have cry for at least 3 days. Really tiring. Anyway, no one should be blamed for this.

By the way, I just keep saying sorry to our members. Sorry that I break all your wishes. You really did well but I am the one who is not able to complete my job. Sorry.

Sorry. I know it is unacceptable. Sorry.

Sorry.

I missed.

There are many things that I missed recently. They are all about God. Sorry for my long absent to all sisters and brothers in SGC though I know that you all are not the right person for me to say sorry to. Sorry, Jesus.

Just now, about 2 hours ago, I just quit my post as the camp leader in a youths' camp organised by my church. I am not able to cope with it anymore. Sorry for my irresponsible. Last Saturday, I talked to a teacher from youth fellowship, and I told her many things. I feel quite hard to talk to her maybe because we are two different types of people.We have totally different characteristic and mindset.

Today, I talked to Kaevin, maybe we have similar interest or so called hobby, that is we both like to fully fill our time with many activities, I feel better to talk to him. I thought he would be very angry with me, but I was wrong. He just told me what he think of my situation now and gave me advices. Thanks a lot, Kaevin.

However, so sorry to every committee.

Now, just switching post with another sister, hope this arrangement will works.

Thank you all, and sorry again, Jesus.

Talk about my life recently, I can describe it using five words, Tiring but I enjoy it.

1st.

If I told you all that I am not tired, that means I am telling lie. Life getting busier and busier, but fortunately, I enjoy it. Hopefully that I can cover my study at the same time.

We are going to perform this friday. That is for Teachers' Day. I really hate this performance, it is wasting our time, make us more tired!! However, we must perform. I just treat it as a present for our lecturers.

More and more members want to quit our society. How come they are so ' fragile ' ?! I wonder whether they can withstand a small problem when they face the society in the future. It is so complicated.

Sheng Sheng, I am trying my best to complete my words for you. I just treat it as my diary and try to write something everyday. ^^

Missing her..

She was an artiste.
She is fair, like an angel.
She is cute, she is kind hearted.
She met with an accident in year 2007 and she passed away.
Looking back everything about her.
Surfing all the websites that have her news.
Crying in front of the computer all the days.
Miss her so much.

http://www.weilun.idv.tw/

Today.

The time now is 1.09pm.About half of today. I just came back from Melawati Gospel Church. We were there to promote our camp in September 2009. For me, I think our presentation was really bad!! Maybe too boring or something else la. That's just my opinion.

Later, I don't know what am I going to do. Today is Sunday and I suppose to be in church but my mum's aunt is here. We need to accompany here as she is here purposely to accompany us. So, again, I didn't go to church today. It's really terrible!!Guiltiness is everywhere in my heart, my soul, but I really don't know what to do.

Again, I have to say sorry to my churchmates and Jesus.I am not going to church again.

Grooming the future leaders.

Members of 16th TARC SPUS Community Service have their first activity yesterday, which is 23rd May. Some of them enjoyed but some of them want to quit due to some problems ( more about hairs.) No matter what they think about the society now, we will keep going on. Though attendants are just few, I was happy yesterday.

After the general meeting, we went to 小东方 to have our so called dinner together. I want to promote it!! The food there is quite nice, and the environment too!!

I keep thinking about something. What is it?! How come it will return again?! This time, it is returned with joyful, a different feeling.

Well, I have to urge myself to study now!! I haven't start my study though the real exam is so near!! Only about 5 months left!! I have to pick up already!! No more playing around!!

I have to study!!!

Proceeding

Everything keep on proceeding. The recruitment, the preparation of the youth camp of my church and also my life. Today, we got no new member in school but fortunately, I got 3 new members through calling. They gave my hope.

Everyone looks so desperate today. I know I have to motivate everyone, not just sitting there and desperating together. We started a competition among committees. Each of us must at least recruit 5 new members in the coming two days. Those who fail to meet the requirement have to treat others but the one who achieve the highest number of members recruited will be rewarded. I hope it works.

If we try to think from the positive side of today, we should be happy because we got the permission to publicize our society from dk to dk during lecture time. It's a great chance for us!! So, we have to value it!!We have no even one second to waste now!! We really have to fight hard to get a better achievement!!

16th SPUS Community Service, we have to do our best!!And we must do it!!

Tmr.

Tomorrow is the first day of recruitment. Today, we have our promotion in DK D and ... We were promoting our society to those newbies in TARC. Fortunately, we have a very good spokesperson, Chun Yip. This helps alot in promoting our society.

This time, we need to take in at least 100 freshmen so that they and we won't need to be so busy with our piled up works. We need to go through a hard time this year. I believe it will be hardest time in my pre university study life. Anyway, if we have the team spirit, sure we can go through all the hardship together.

Everything's over.

As what the title means, everything is over.My mum is now at home.Although she need to take at least 17 pills per day (if not mistaken), at least came back home. Thx everyone, who supported our family when we faced difficulties. Thx Jesus,you heard our voices. Thx, everyone.

Today, I also sat for my MUET exam. IN MY OPINION, it is quite terrible. When the time keeper told me that I still have 1 minute left in task A and whether I want to add something, my brain is still at blank. Just blank. Nothing more I can talk about. So bad!! Anyway, I done my MUET exam.

Last saturday, I played kite with my cousin!!( I stayed at her house for two days.) It is really interesting and skillful game. I think I will like it.

Yesterday, it was Mothers' Day. Well, we didn't have a grand celebration, but a simple ceremony in PJ Gospel Church. The words for yesterday is, everyday is parents' day not only the particular days.^^

Updated

Hey, one more post to update the news. Just now I called mum, she may be can come back home in these few days already. However, she need to take a lot of drugs, many kind of drugs.

Grandma, take good care of yourself ya!Don't need to be too worry about mum as mum also don't want you to worry about her. She will be alright!!

I dare and I want to make a promise now. I will try my best to take good care of mum. I won't let her to be too tired in the future time.

Mum, I wait you at home ya!! See you!!