130.

hmm.. just want to make it to become 130.

For record purpose:

Thanks everyone for your presence in my life. I appreciate a lot!! I am satisfied with my life now. It is just too nice.

Thanks everyone^^

Balance point.

Need to search balance points in my current life. Everything is so out of control. I don't like it.

There is a big change happening in my life. Sorry if I can't do my balance very well now but I will try my best to do it. Sorry all dearest.

hmm..

Wondering whether want to make few more steps forward or not.
I am not sure about the ending but I don't like tragedy.
One month only, can this one month be the precursor?! I also don't know.

Maybe, try first. Never try never know. This is from Kernie.

Boring.

Actually I have nothing to do. Really nothing to do. That's why I am here.Typing something nonsense.

Never fade.

Memories with you keep coming out from the deepest part of my brain. It is not under my control. I need to keep remind me that you are no longer here. You are in another place, having new life over there. Don't be afraid ya. I know you are strong. Stay strong.

Updating2.

This morning, we got our fridge. Unfortunately, the lifts are not working. So, those guys need to carry three lifts upstair. One was carried to 7th floor and another two were carried to 11th floor. At least 10 guys were there to help.

Classes will get started tomorrow. I think I am quite nervous now. I don't know what will actually happen tomorrow and who am I going to face tomorrow. And the most important thing is, I know I am missing my home in Malaysia. This make me feel more nervous. I hope that I can use skype to talk to them as soon as possible. By the way, it is really hard to find a suitable time for both sides to chat together. Really hope that I am at home now!!

Trying to settle down everything as soon as possible.

Updating.

[We haven go and apply for the internet. I just typed it down first.]
It is already the third morning I woke up and found that myself was lying on bed in my hostel in Moscow city. Finally, I saw sunlight been reflected into our room. feel so warm. At least it is warmer compare to last two mornings. Mornings was accompanied by raindrops in last two days.
Although there are giant different between my home and this hostel, I already get used to my ‘house’ here. Actually this is all because of our most helpful and most kind hearted seniors’ help!!They are really too good!! Even made us shyer to ask them for help already. Last time, I really thought that the first three things that I need to fend off are ghosts (I really hate to see and hate to talk about this kind of thing, it is soooooooo scary!!), stress and homesickness. I haven’t faced any stress now. About homesickness, it is sure that I miss my home a lot but I guess it is present in the positive way^^. I didn’t cry much this time (Kernie, I really didn’t cry much this time!!). Though I found that this was weird but it is a very good thing.
Anyway, we have lot of things need to settle as soon as possible!!
1. Internet connection (Going to apply on 24th Sept)
2. Visit to Ikea (On 24th Sept too^^)
3. Visit to Asian City (On 24th Sept also^^)(It is a supermarket selling things in cheaper price.)
4. Unpack our luggage and arrange our room.
5. Start our study!! (Probably on 27th Sept)
6. Learn Russian Language. (We did face a lot of problems due to the language. We took long time to buy our food. Not only that, we can’t even go restaurant without seniors. All the menus are written in Russian Language and most of the residents here don’t want to use English because they are patriotism.)
The first one is the critical and most important one!! Life without internet is really terrible hard!!
Hope that everything is going in the proper way. I will still missing my family here. Please take care of yourselves ya!! I am fine here. I had recovered from coughing already. So, no worry ya!!
And Happy Birthday to Niki Wong here!! It is sad that we can’t celebrate for you here but I am happy to hear that you are happy on your first birthday here.

Imp.

Hahahahaha.
I am now thinking, is there any way can block me from crying. I am so scare now. I keep thinking what can I do when I am alone there. Without my mummy and daddy and sister by my side. Feel like crying.

I bought some more things today and will try my best to bring every single thing there!! Especially those bought by my family.

How a?!!!

Racism.

Don't really feel like talking about this topic but I just need a place for me to shout out. Without any racism.

Watched a video on facebook and it links me to many others videos on youtube. I feel really sad everytime I watched these kind of videos. I used to be a patriotism. Used to be. Many incidents keep showing me the reality of this world. I am a Malaysian and sure, I am a Chinese too. Last time, I was so proud to be a chinese Malaysian because I know that our country, though is not country like the United State, is not a country like the United Kingdom, my country is built up by races and we can still live together peacefully on a land without much natural disaster. These were gifted by God but at last, we wasted them. Keep arguing among races, keep fighting for our own profits and even keep blaming each other for some small problems. Why will all these happened?

Please stop these. We, as a human, do not have much time on this earth, why don't we put more effort on those needies instead of fighting here?!

Anyway, just to shout out.

有感而发...

有人问过我，一去就是六年，在这之前没把握住的幸福，会不会觉得很对不起？对不起自己？对不起别人？

我只可以说，我也不知道，一切随缘吧！很老套的说法，但却在什么时候都派得上用场。但，真的是随缘就可以得到幸福了吗？我知道，并不是。还要多一份努力，一份的运气，还有许多许多。

爸爸问我，我有没有喜欢谁？当然有啊！他就问我那他有没有喜欢你啊？不知道，应该是没有。我爸爸说，暗恋很累，要是喜欢就说出来吧！你不说，也没人知道。这是当然的，但并不容易说出口。如果我是男生，或许我会有这份勇气，但偏偏我不是。

或许是因为要离开了吧？！最近整天想东想西的，很难受，很辛苦。

苛霓，我想我还是不说了（之前我说再走之前要说的），因为真的不敢，而且说了也没用。哈哈。

对不起，就是少了那根不正常的经，如果我有，就不会这样了。哈哈~

久违的华文。哈咯！

So Sad.

I am learning Russian Language recently. Russian Language is not easy to learn at all!! I have to throw my english away so that I won't mix it up with Russian Language. Everything has their own gender in Russian Language. Many of them are even genetically linked in Genetive Case!! I wonder why will it be SO complicated?! No matter what, I still have to learn. I hope this course can come to an end faster but the ending of the course means I will leave soon. Only about 40 days left in Malaysia. I am sad. Really sad.

Title-less

I am shocked when I saw the date of my last post. It's almost 10 months ago. Everyone is working hard on what they believe now, but how about me? I am now sitting at home daily, surfing the internet aimless. I wonder what can I do instead of doing house chores and streaming on pps?

Before I quit my last job, I always think that I must take my rest before school opening, but I think it's a bit too long (about 2 months.). During my free time, I wonder about many things. Too much free time will always make us think too much. This is my conclusion after these few weeks of holidays. Aimless, and just like my title, title-less.

Half way. But which way?

Half way to the end of my exam.
Half way to the starting of my whole new life.

The end of something will always bring you a whole new thing if you try to find them out. It's always true.

Still thinking what job that I want to get after my exam but the most important to think about is what I want to study after my exam. It's hard.

Psychology? Medicine? Actuarial science?

These are what I am considering now but I think there will be some more later.

Psychology?
I hope to study this so that I can learn more about human's mind. Maybe, to get know about myself?!

Medicine?
If I really be a doctor, then I won't just stick at where I am now. I hope to go around especially to Africa. Maybe it's quite insane talk but that's what I am thinking about.

Actuarial science?
This is just because I love Mathematics. But is it really something to do with maths? I have to check it out.

Some more...

My aunt hopes I can help her in her career as an insurance agent. She has built up her own business and she hopes to train me to be her successor. She even told her husband that I am her choice and asked him whether I am suitable.

I hope someone can take over her business but am I the one?

Anyway, what I really have to do now is do my best in my exam. That's what I can do now.

Always, when there are too many choices for me, I will hope that I have no choice.

Extraordinary

20091012
It is all about love. What is this? How can it be so powerful?! My hairs are all standing when I read them. So scary. I really hope to scold him. How can you just ignore it? If you really know about this, please tell what you really want!

You look so gorgeous, but you are just like a coward in love. You are now trying to run away from this matter. This does not sound like you. The 'you' that I know is not like this. He will do whatever he wants to do and he will only do what he likes to do. He will face any problem bravely but not hiding behind the fact. He is even the one who tell me what to do when I face some problems.

So, please tell us. What you really want?

20091010
I went. At last, I did what I promised to you all. I told you all I will be back after my exam, and I did it!! Freedom, is the thing that made me passed myself to the devil, but now, I have to release myself. I have to much freedom and I know I have used it in the wrong way. Now, I am going back, with God's accompany and my fellow sisters and brothers. No more deviation.^^

Not here

Is it weird that I can online and update my blog today? This is because our trip to Karak cancelled due to H1N1 disease. Everything comes to the end all in a sudden. The trip is called off just 2 days before the event. I have no more to say and no more feeling. For this kind of stuffs, I have cry for at least 3 days. Really tiring. Anyway, no one should be blamed for this.

By the way, I just keep saying sorry to our members. Sorry that I break all your wishes. You really did well but I am the one who is not able to complete my job. Sorry.

Sorry. I know it is unacceptable. Sorry.

Sorry.

1st.

If I told you all that I am not tired, that means I am telling lie. Life getting busier and busier, but fortunately, I enjoy it. Hopefully that I can cover my study at the same time.

We are going to perform this friday. That is for Teachers' Day. I really hate this performance, it is wasting our time, make us more tired!! However, we must perform. I just treat it as a present for our lecturers.

More and more members want to quit our society. How come they are so ' fragile ' ?! I wonder whether they can withstand a small problem when they face the society in the future. It is so complicated.

Sheng Sheng, I am trying my best to complete my words for you. I just treat it as my diary and try to write something everyday. ^^

Missing her..

She was an artiste.
She is fair, like an angel.
She is cute, she is kind hearted.
She met with an accident in year 2007 and she passed away.
Looking back everything about her.
Surfing all the websites that have her news.
Crying in front of the computer all the days.
Miss her so much.

http://www.weilun.idv.tw/

S ccess.

Yesterday, I saw something. A very meaningful phrase on a T-shirt.If the tee is not for men, I will buy it.

We can not spell s ccess without U.

This is the phrase. Who are U? Many of them around me are my U but I am not going to list them out. Just want to thank you all for being my family, my friends, my sisters and my brothers, my teachers and even strangers. It is weird that I thank strangers is it? Sometimes, I learnt a lot and gained a lot from them.

Running.

What is running? Time is running.

What is being ruined? I am ruining my study.

I spent more than two days for shopping!! Well, this is because I have to accompany my elder aunt who is from Oman. Yet, I still have to go somewhere else tomorrow!! I am running out of time now. I have many tutorial waiting for me to complete and I swear to complete them in this holiday but now, I don't know whether I can complete it or not!!

Being panic.There are only few more months to go.Few more months for me to study for my STPM. Yet, I am still playing around.

Today.

The time now is 1.09pm.About half of today. I just came back from Melawati Gospel Church. We were there to promote our camp in September 2009. For me, I think our presentation was really bad!! Maybe too boring or something else la. That's just my opinion.

Later, I don't know what am I going to do. Today is Sunday and I suppose to be in church but my mum's aunt is here. We need to accompany here as she is here purposely to accompany us. So, again, I didn't go to church today. It's really terrible!!Guiltiness is everywhere in my heart, my soul, but I really don't know what to do.

Again, I have to say sorry to my churchmates and Jesus.I am not going to church again.