5th October.

I don't know how to name this post. Just typed it for fun. Days passed. We attended few classes and now we are all rushing to complete our notes. Lectures' notes and also classes' notes. I don't know whether they are easy or difficult. Just study. Nothing more I can do except study my best now. The system here is actually confusing. The lecturers here are actually good but some of them, their english are really poor. That's the main problem. Hope that it can be overcame as soon as possible.

Trying to find out answer for philosophy now. Trying hard.

Sorry, I cried.

Someone who has inspired me a lot just passed away. And still, it is unacceptable. Really can't believe about this. Everything just happened all in a sudden. Not even give anyone time to say goodbye.

Bryan Chiel, I remember that you are the one that said, girls shouldn't always cry. And because of this, I didn't cry as many times as I did before.

I still remember that the time when we took taxi together, you taught me must observe the taxi driver's movement. Be careful of them.

Last time when we were going home from Ting Pei's house, we took a ktm. At that time, there were many people in the train. You were the one who kept protecting me.

Although we always argue with one another in the classroom, I still appreciate the time we spent together. Full of memories. Time we spent together while walking from MACEE to KLCC, time we spent in Mutiara shopping complex. Time you helped me to get away from a disgusting guy. And also time we spent together while we were trying our best to complete those projects we participated during form 5.

You told me that you want to have physically training to build up your muscle, so were you trying to build them up by riding?

You were just trying to purchase your dream in the US isn't it? I was so happy that you finally made your way to the US about two months ago. You told me that you may also do your master over there.

I promise that I will do my part. I will try my best to purchase my dream with your part. No matter how hard is it. I will always remember what you taught me.

Sorry that I cried this time. It is just so unacceptable.

Bryan Chiel Yee Hao, you will always in my mind. Happy to be one of your friends.

Updating.

[We haven go and apply for the internet. I just typed it down first.]
It is already the third morning I woke up and found that myself was lying on bed in my hostel in Moscow city. Finally, I saw sunlight been reflected into our room. feel so warm. At least it is warmer compare to last two mornings. Mornings was accompanied by raindrops in last two days.
Although there are giant different between my home and this hostel, I already get used to my ‘house’ here. Actually this is all because of our most helpful and most kind hearted seniors’ help!!They are really too good!! Even made us shyer to ask them for help already. Last time, I really thought that the first three things that I need to fend off are ghosts (I really hate to see and hate to talk about this kind of thing, it is soooooooo scary!!), stress and homesickness. I haven’t faced any stress now. About homesickness, it is sure that I miss my home a lot but I guess it is present in the positive way^^. I didn’t cry much this time (Kernie, I really didn’t cry much this time!!). Though I found that this was weird but it is a very good thing.
Anyway, we have lot of things need to settle as soon as possible!!
1. Internet connection (Going to apply on 24th Sept)
2. Visit to Ikea (On 24th Sept too^^)
3. Visit to Asian City (On 24th Sept also^^)(It is a supermarket selling things in cheaper price.)
4. Unpack our luggage and arrange our room.
5. Start our study!! (Probably on 27th Sept)
6. Learn Russian Language. (We did face a lot of problems due to the language. We took long time to buy our food. Not only that, we can’t even go restaurant without seniors. All the menus are written in Russian Language and most of the residents here don’t want to use English because they are patriotism.)
The first one is the critical and most important one!! Life without internet is really terrible hard!!
Hope that everything is going in the proper way. I will still missing my family here. Please take care of yourselves ya!! I am fine here. I had recovered from coughing already. So, no worry ya!!
And Happy Birthday to Niki Wong here!! It is sad that we can’t celebrate for you here but I am happy to hear that you are happy on your first birthday here.

-

Many people keep asking me, Are you nervous?! You are gonna leave Malaysia after few days wo!! My answer is, not really, maybe I have to say not yet. Haha. Now I am more nervous about the temperature there and what will my relatives say when I am back to Johor.

Keep observe the temperature there now. Almost to 0 celcius already!! Who say the temperature there is like Genting's when we reached?! Anyway, just need to prepare some more winter clothes.

I don't know what will my relatives say but hope will all be wishes. I just need your support and your encouragement. Please don't keep remind me about my parents' health problem now. I know it very well and I know what to do. I just want to keep my mind clear and study my best now. This is the only thing that is most important and I should do now because I know I can't help more but just not dissappointing them.

Racism.

Don't really feel like talking about this topic but I just need a place for me to shout out. Without any racism.

Watched a video on facebook and it links me to many others videos on youtube. I feel really sad everytime I watched these kind of videos. I used to be a patriotism. Used to be. Many incidents keep showing me the reality of this world. I am a Malaysian and sure, I am a Chinese too. Last time, I was so proud to be a chinese Malaysian because I know that our country, though is not country like the United State, is not a country like the United Kingdom, my country is built up by races and we can still live together peacefully on a land without much natural disaster. These were gifted by God but at last, we wasted them. Keep arguing among races, keep fighting for our own profits and even keep blaming each other for some small problems. Why will all these happened?

Please stop these. We, as a human, do not have much time on this earth, why don't we put more effort on those needies instead of fighting here?!

Anyway, just to shout out.

Half way. But which way?

Half way to the end of my exam.
Half way to the starting of my whole new life.

The end of something will always bring you a whole new thing if you try to find them out. It's always true.

Still thinking what job that I want to get after my exam but the most important to think about is what I want to study after my exam. It's hard.

Psychology? Medicine? Actuarial science?

These are what I am considering now but I think there will be some more later.

Psychology?
I hope to study this so that I can learn more about human's mind. Maybe, to get know about myself?!

Medicine?
If I really be a doctor, then I won't just stick at where I am now. I hope to go around especially to Africa. Maybe it's quite insane talk but that's what I am thinking about.

Actuarial science?
This is just because I love Mathematics. But is it really something to do with maths? I have to check it out.

Some more...

My aunt hopes I can help her in her career as an insurance agent. She has built up her own business and she hopes to train me to be her successor. She even told her husband that I am her choice and asked him whether I am suitable.

I hope someone can take over her business but am I the one?

Anyway, what I really have to do now is do my best in my exam. That's what I can do now.

Always, when there are too many choices for me, I will hope that I have no choice.

Extraordinary

20091012
It is all about love. What is this? How can it be so powerful?! My hairs are all standing when I read them. So scary. I really hope to scold him. How can you just ignore it? If you really know about this, please tell what you really want!

You look so gorgeous, but you are just like a coward in love. You are now trying to run away from this matter. This does not sound like you. The 'you' that I know is not like this. He will do whatever he wants to do and he will only do what he likes to do. He will face any problem bravely but not hiding behind the fact. He is even the one who tell me what to do when I face some problems.

So, please tell us. What you really want?

20091010
I went. At last, I did what I promised to you all. I told you all I will be back after my exam, and I did it!! Freedom, is the thing that made me passed myself to the devil, but now, I have to release myself. I have to much freedom and I know I have used it in the wrong way. Now, I am going back, with God's accompany and my fellow sisters and brothers. No more deviation.^^

I missed.

There are many things that I missed recently. They are all about God. Sorry for my long absent to all sisters and brothers in SGC though I know that you all are not the right person for me to say sorry to. Sorry, Jesus.

Just now, about 2 hours ago, I just quit my post as the camp leader in a youths' camp organised by my church. I am not able to cope with it anymore. Sorry for my irresponsible. Last Saturday, I talked to a teacher from youth fellowship, and I told her many things. I feel quite hard to talk to her maybe because we are two different types of people.We have totally different characteristic and mindset.

Today, I talked to Kaevin, maybe we have similar interest or so called hobby, that is we both like to fully fill our time with many activities, I feel better to talk to him. I thought he would be very angry with me, but I was wrong. He just told me what he think of my situation now and gave me advices. Thanks a lot, Kaevin.

However, so sorry to every committee.

Now, just switching post with another sister, hope this arrangement will works.

Thank you all, and sorry again, Jesus.

Talk about my life recently, I can describe it using five words, Tiring but I enjoy it.

1st.

If I told you all that I am not tired, that means I am telling lie. Life getting busier and busier, but fortunately, I enjoy it. Hopefully that I can cover my study at the same time.

We are going to perform this friday. That is for Teachers' Day. I really hate this performance, it is wasting our time, make us more tired!! However, we must perform. I just treat it as a present for our lecturers.

More and more members want to quit our society. How come they are so ' fragile ' ?! I wonder whether they can withstand a small problem when they face the society in the future. It is so complicated.

Sheng Sheng, I am trying my best to complete my words for you. I just treat it as my diary and try to write something everyday. ^^

Let's take a break!

School reopened yesterday. Fortunately, I found back my heart to study already!!Thanks Jesus. Now, I can concentrate with my study. So, I am going to take a short break in blogging. Maybe I will only update it once in a week or even once in a month.

Missing her..

She was an artiste.
She is fair, like an angel.
She is cute, she is kind hearted.
She met with an accident in year 2007 and she passed away.
Looking back everything about her.
Surfing all the websites that have her news.
Crying in front of the computer all the days.
Miss her so much.

http://www.weilun.idv.tw/

Running.

What is running? Time is running.

What is being ruined? I am ruining my study.

I spent more than two days for shopping!! Well, this is because I have to accompany my elder aunt who is from Oman. Yet, I still have to go somewhere else tomorrow!! I am running out of time now. I have many tutorial waiting for me to complete and I swear to complete them in this holiday but now, I don't know whether I can complete it or not!!

Being panic.There are only few more months to go.Few more months for me to study for my STPM. Yet, I am still playing around.

Today.

The time now is 1.09pm.About half of today. I just came back from Melawati Gospel Church. We were there to promote our camp in September 2009. For me, I think our presentation was really bad!! Maybe too boring or something else la. That's just my opinion.

Later, I don't know what am I going to do. Today is Sunday and I suppose to be in church but my mum's aunt is here. We need to accompany here as she is here purposely to accompany us. So, again, I didn't go to church today. It's really terrible!!Guiltiness is everywhere in my heart, my soul, but I really don't know what to do.

Again, I have to say sorry to my churchmates and Jesus.I am not going to church again.

Out in the cold.

Always, I was out in the cold in my family. I don't like this kind of feelings. Everyone hope to being cared by his or her family. I am like a neglected child. I can get everything I want by myseld, I don't need to ask them from my parents but what I can't purchase is the love. Maybe I always sound like I don't care but I care indeed.

Sometimes, it is good to be alone but this does not apply in a family. Sometimes, I feel that my parents are off-centering. I feel that they will only care about my sisters. For them, I am more independent. Due to this reason, I always try hard to depend on myself. I make my own decisions. I seldom tell them about my study, my problems and my life.

If you ask me to arrange family, study, church, society and my friends orderly, the first will be friends. I will arrange like this - friends, society, study and (family and church is at the same level.) I know this arrangement is totally wrong. It is supposed to be like this - Jesus, family, study, friends and society, is it?! Again, this doesn't apply on me.

Someone told me that the second child in the family will be the most independent one, I believe so and I experienced. Maybe I am not really independent from yours opinion, but I always try hard to rely on my own.

Sometimes, it is tiring.

Always, I feel sad.

However, I seldom express it.

So that, nobody knows.

Practising a good habit.

I am trying hard to practise a new habit. What is it?! It is just study. I hope to put it as my hobby and a habit as the real exam is round the corner.

It is really difficult for me to stick on my chair and study for one whole day. My longest record is about 3 hours if not mistaken (without going anywhere include toilet!)

This holidays is the crunch. I have to fully utilise it so that I can score better in my coming exams.

Proceeding

Everything keep on proceeding. The recruitment, the preparation of the youth camp of my church and also my life. Today, we got no new member in school but fortunately, I got 3 new members through calling. They gave my hope.

Everyone looks so desperate today. I know I have to motivate everyone, not just sitting there and desperating together. We started a competition among committees. Each of us must at least recruit 5 new members in the coming two days. Those who fail to meet the requirement have to treat others but the one who achieve the highest number of members recruited will be rewarded. I hope it works.

If we try to think from the positive side of today, we should be happy because we got the permission to publicize our society from dk to dk during lecture time. It's a great chance for us!! So, we have to value it!!We have no even one second to waste now!! We really have to fight hard to get a better achievement!!

16th SPUS Community Service, we have to do our best!!And we must do it!!

Second Day.

Today(14/5) is already the second day of recruitment but we just hit one fifth of our target, which is 100 members. I become more and more impudence. Just trying to grab anyone who passes by our booths. But!!! I have to take care of my image at the same time.

Well, someone said I really need to take a rest although my look is still very energetic, my spirit is tired indeed. Now, I just keep thinking of some new methods to publicize our society, restless.

Anyone who come out with any idea can tell us!! Your ideas are very welcomed!!^^

Anyway, I will pray for it.

Tmr.

Tomorrow is the first day of recruitment. Today, we have our promotion in DK D and ... We were promoting our society to those newbies in TARC. Fortunately, we have a very good spokesperson, Chun Yip. This helps alot in promoting our society.

This time, we need to take in at least 100 freshmen so that they and we won't need to be so busy with our piled up works. We need to go through a hard time this year. I believe it will be hardest time in my pre university study life. Anyway, if we have the team spirit, sure we can go through all the hardship together.

Everything's over.

As what the title means, everything is over.My mum is now at home.Although she need to take at least 17 pills per day (if not mistaken), at least came back home. Thx everyone, who supported our family when we faced difficulties. Thx Jesus,you heard our voices. Thx, everyone.

Today, I also sat for my MUET exam. IN MY OPINION, it is quite terrible. When the time keeper told me that I still have 1 minute left in task A and whether I want to add something, my brain is still at blank. Just blank. Nothing more I can talk about. So bad!! Anyway, I done my MUET exam.

Last saturday, I played kite with my cousin!!( I stayed at her house for two days.) It is really interesting and skillful game. I think I will like it.

Yesterday, it was Mothers' Day. Well, we didn't have a grand celebration, but a simple ceremony in PJ Gospel Church. The words for yesterday is, everyday is parents' day not only the particular days.^^

Updated

Hey, one more post to update the news. Just now I called mum, she may be can come back home in these few days already. However, she need to take a lot of drugs, many kind of drugs.

Grandma, take good care of yourself ya!Don't need to be too worry about mum as mum also don't want you to worry about her. She will be alright!!

I dare and I want to make a promise now. I will try my best to take good care of mum. I won't let her to be too tired in the future time.

Mum, I wait you at home ya!! See you!!